I've been wanting to start a blog for a long time, pretty much since I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2006. Now that the hubby and I are TTC I figured why not start now. I'll start from the beginning... up until my early 20s I never had a problem with my cycles.. I got them every month. Then suddenly in 2005 I went 8 months without a cycle and many negative pregnancy tests later I wound up in the doctors office where she proceeded to tell me it was stress. Really? Stress was apparently the reason why I gained 60 lbs in 2 1/2 months and the reason why my cycle was absent for nearly a year! I trusted the doctor and started watching my diet and exercising like crazy.
In 2007 my aunt suggested I go see my cousins endocrinoligist. The best and worst thing I ever did! This doctor sat and talked with me for nearly an hour before she even examined me. She made me feel like I had not gone crazy and that she felt she knew what was wrong and that it was perfectly treatable. The doc called and confirmed I had PCOS... I researched it and called my mom to tell her she probably wont have grandkids. I then proceeded to go to the nearest casino to drink and gamble the sorrow away! My family called my phone over and over and I continuted to ignore the calls. I was so mad.. "why me... what have I done" came to my mind many times!
Since diagnosis I have been to several doctors and several types of birth control and metformin. Metformin was the worse of all for me... I did not only have diareah.. I also vomitted after almost every dinner.. and some other meals too. I stuck through it and took metformin for two years. My endocrinologist also switched it to the time release kind. Unfortuately I couldn't take it anymore and stopped taking Metformin. The battle has been rough... missing cycles for months and then when I'm really watching what I'm eating I will get a cycle once or twice in a row if I'm lucky.
Fast forward to yesterday, the hubby and I went to see the reproductive endocrinologist and I was given Clomid to take when I get my next cycle. Researching clomid I found that I have to track my cycles, ovulations, etc, etc.. I'm frustrated again... the reality that ttc is going to be more of a job for me then most... and I cant help but think "why me.." again! I'm a good person.. wife.. step-mom.. employee... daughter.. etc... I work hard and I do right by people.. but still the one think I have always desired in life.. to have a child and be a mom... I may not be able to have! The thought of never knowing the feeling of carrying a child... of experiencing childbirth and raising a child of my own kills me.
